Mr. Goxx

The combination of the relatively recent advent of fee-free stock trading and a global pandemic led to record numbers of entities trying their hands at playing the market. This uptick was not limited to traditional stocks. Cryptocurrencies are de riguer, as well. Bitcoin is the most famous decentralized currency, but dozens or hundreds of others exist, including our favorite, Dogecoin. Traders can buy and sell these monies 24 hours a day.

One could make a fortune playing the cryptocurrency game. Or lose everything. Many try to “beat the market,” which essentially means making more money than investing in broad market funds. These funds historically rise by specific percentages. Beating the market is hard, especially over the long run.

But a player who has recently emerged onto the world stage is currently beating the market.

His name is Mr. Goxx.

Mr. Goxx is a hamster.

Two German fellows decided to put their building and programming skills to use during the pandemic. They constructed an add-on to the hamster’s cage, calling it the Goxx Box.

The friends rigged a wheel for Mr. Goxx to enjoy. As it spins, various cryptocurrencies cycle through a program. It’s like the big wheel on The Price is Right, except the powerhouse is a rodent and the dollars are replaced by virtual money systems. When Mr. Goxx is done running, the setup trades the currency on which he stopped.

But how does Mr. Goxx decide whether to buy or sell? The answer comes from “decision tunnels.” Mr. Goxx can run through a “buy tunnel” or a “sell tunnel.” Whichever he visits first after exiting the wheel is automatically the play. A buy decision means €20 of the particular coin joins the portfolio. A sell decision liquidates the entire position of said currency.

View the video below for a tour of the “office” and an example of how a trade works.

Sure, Mr. Goxx’ method might seem random, but he’s really good at his job.

The hamster began trading in June. As of publication date, 27 September 2021, Mr. Goxx is up 19.41%! That feat is better than the industry’s titan investors and all the congregate markets. That’s one smart hamster!

Mr. Goxx has acquired the biggest position in a currency called TRON, which trades under the ticker TRX. His diamond hands have purchased it five times, never choosing to enter the sell tunnel when TRX appears on the wheel. Thanks to this wisdom, Mr. Goxx is up 40% on TRON since June.

Will his prowess continue into the future? Today he took a 21.28% hit on a sale of XLM and a small negative on a buy-sell of DOGE. Whether he continues to print cash is an open question, but his status among the great prognosticating critters seems to be assured.

He joins Punxsutawney Phil and a slew of other groundhogs, though so far his predictions are far more accurate. A better comparison might be Paul the Octopus, who correctly prophesied 85% of World Cup matches in 2010, and Nelly the Elephant, who sported a 90% rate over three major soccer tournaments.

Is Mr. Goxx the evidence we need to display the market is random? In the past several months, he has beaten all the benchmarks. In Mr. Goxx, we trust!